okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
