i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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