Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
