we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
