Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
