it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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