Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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