Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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