his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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