fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
