u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
