just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
