I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize