Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
