Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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