She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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