just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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