hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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