I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize