Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
