i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
