i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did i just pee glitter
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
