hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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