The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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