Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
NoShamevember. You game?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
