I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wanna go halves on a baby?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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