There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
