I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
