I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
