How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
