Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize