I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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