I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
