dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
