dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
soo... how was my night?
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