then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
