so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So squirting runs in the family.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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