I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
