Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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