The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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