i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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