i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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