you would pick up someone in the library
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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