WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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