Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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