since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
