Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
