I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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