Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize