you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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