Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
