If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i have herpe
just one?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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