Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
