I need help removing her.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
