He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
