Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
