I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
