I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
